Surviving the Holidays

The holidays are upon us once again, and not everyone is excited.

There will be times as a police officer when traditions and things that have always been monumental suddenly seem lackluster.

As a kid, I always loved the holiday season. It was a magical time when I was allowed to eat too many cookies, plant myself in front of the TV for hours to watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and ask for whatever crazy toy was new to the market for Christmas. I felt seen and important when we visited our extended family. I was a crucial member of the family ecosystem.

When I became a police officer, I knew there would have to be sacrifices. I knew the old saying about missing holidays and birthdays, and I thought I was prepared for that. I was serving a mission bigger than myself. I was doing something that mattered. Everyone would understand.

The interesting piece is that people just know you aren’t there. They continue with overeating, football games, and boozy stories whether you are there or not. For some reason, I almost felt like I expected everyone to take time out of the day to wonder what I was doing out on the mean streets.

When that didn’t happen, I felt a bit lost. I became fixated on the way holidays were celebrated at the police department which normally included a shared meal with my shift and more than a couple domestics.

Spending time with my shift felt familial. We were all there working on the holiday. We all were missing time with our family. But we were together, and that was comforting.

Some officers would bring in food that their spouses cooked for the shift. Those without significant others would buy the plates, napkins, and cups. Everyone contributed, and it created a sense of importance to the day. We would share stories and laughs. The supervisors were a little lighter on us. It was fun.

We would try to avoid work for the most part. Most businesses were closed. Traffic was light. In the afternoon, we would have a few calls for business alarms or wrecks. As the day went on, when the family started having too much wine, some uncle would punch a nephew and the police would have to be called.

The same type of circumstance would happen in a few homes across the city. Some people had to go to jail on the holiday, and others were lectured about the reason for the day and to clean their act up.

It was simple. For our side as the police, it was drama-free. We spent more time laughing at some of the calls than we did cooking. It was easy and light-hearted.

But it was also hard feeling a sense of distance from those you love. Feeling that everyone else in your family is having fun and catching up while you are alone in a patrol car or catching calls solving other people’s family issues.

When I was able to have holidays at home, it felt different. It was great to have everyone together. It was wonderful to catch up with family and have some great food. But it wasn’t necessarily better than spending the holidays on shift.

Being home meant being involved. Traveling. Cleaning. Prepping. Cooking. Eating. Small talk. Big Talk. Drama. Eating. Drinking. Shopping. Eating. Sleeping. It was a lot. I loved it, but it was different.

I would think about my shift and how they were spending the day. I’d wonder what kind of calls they were having and hope that nothing too sinister happened that would diminish the spirit of the day.

Over the years, I’ve learned to love the holidays in the same way as when I was a kid. I still love watching the Thanksgiving parade. I still want to eat too many cookies and ask for a fancy new gadget or new book for Christmas. I still want to be with family and feel recognized and seen.

But I have a different perspective now. I know what it feels like to not be home on the holidays. I have watched other families beat each other up and tear each other down when they should be thankful for their time together. I keep the in-house drama in perspective because I know that it doesn’t actually matter at the end of the day.

What matters is family. It matters that you are together and creating memories. It’s not easy for everyone. There are still officers out there who won’t be home for the holidays. There are people who will come home to an empty house and go to bed alone because everyone else is out celebrating.

It can be lonely.

So when you pass a patrol car on your holiday travel route, take a pause. When you see an officer picking up food at a restaurant where you are sitting with your family or friends and enjoying the days off work, keep in mind that others are still on the job. They are working to keep us safe. They are spending time away from their loved ones to serve the greater good. They are continuing to make a difference, and they may not be having a very joyous day.

But hopefully, they have a department like I did. A department that focuses on the importance of the time spent together on shift during a holiday. The holidays meant a lot to me, even when I wasn’t at home. That’s because of the people I spent the time with. We worked shifts and overtime together on many holidays, and I am thankful for all the lessons I learned through those years.

Today, I am more grateful for the time with family because of the years I spent with my blue family. To those who made those years and holidays special, I want to say thank you.

To those who are still holding the line and working during this holiday season, I wish you safety and happiness. I hope you make time to spend the holiday shifts with your teammates. The memories forged on those days will be some of the best of your life, even if it’s not where you expected you’d be.

To those who have left the job and are now spending the holiday time with family, remember the importance of that. Keep the drama and stress in perspective. Earn the day. Make it count. And when you see those who are still doing the job, give a wave and a nod. Remember how that felt, and be thankful that there are still those willing to go to work while the rest of us take the day off.